Monday, May 22, 2017

Students Were Shocked When They Saw This Question On Their Test Booklet!

Two guys were taking Chemistry at the University of Mississippi.

They did pretty well on all of the quizzes and the midterms and labs, such that going into the final they had a solid "A".

These two friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week (even though the Chemistry final was on Monday), they decided to go up to the University of Tennessee and party with some friends.

They had a great time, however, with hangovers and everything, they overslept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Mississippi until early Monday morning.

Rather than taking the final then, they found their professor after the final to explain to him why they missed the final.

They told him that they went up to the University of Tennessee for the weekend, and had planned to come back in time to study, but that they had a flat tire on the way back, and didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time, so they were late in getting back to campus.

The professor thought this over and told them they could make up the final on the following day.

The two guys were elated and relieved.

They studied that night and went in the next day for the final.

The professor placed them in separate rooms, and handed each of them a test booklet and told them to begin.

They looked at the first problem, which was worth 5 points.

It was something simple about Molarity & Solutions.

"Cool ," they thought. "This is going to be easy."

They did that problem and then turned to the next page.

They were not prepared for what they saw on this page.

It said: (95 Points)

They were surprised because of how big the points they will get if they get this question correctly.

But the most surprising was the question of the page where it ask...

Game Over!!!

What's The WiFi Password

Today is a very beautiful day so I went to the restaurant.

But before I eat, I make sure that the restaurant has a free WiFi service.

So I check all of them one by one and I saw a small place and there is WIFI service.

I am thinking of updating my friends on Facebook so I ask for the password when I sit on the chair.

The waitress told me eat first.

So I place my orders.

After eating I ask again for the password and again she told me eat first.

Feeling frustrated, again I order black coffee.

After drinking again I ask for the password.

They told me eat first.

I then angrily ask the restaurant manager for the password.

He replied eat first.

Before I wanted to explode, I finally saw a sign at the back of the manager's chair showing WIFI password "eat first".

The Practical Examination

There were two students the first one was a diligent student and other one was a happy go lucky one.

So when these two students did practicals the first one always did practicals with utmost enthusiasm and the other one just came to attend them and developed the friendship with the lab assistant.

On the day of practicals both of them came and as exam started diligent, the first one got almost everything while other one struggled to get anything.

Results came and both of them scored full.

The first student was astonished and he asked the second one the secret of his score.

The second one replied:

"In the last 1 hour when you left the lab, the lab assistant being a good friend gave me your paper and I copied it, hope you don't mind. Thank you for finishing the paper an hour earlier or I would have got lesser."

Image result for funny student reaction gifs

The Old Dog, Panther and Squirrel

An old German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost.

Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old German Shepherd thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep shit now!"

Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.

Just as the panther is about to leap, the old German Shepherd exclaims loudly,

"Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and slinks away into the trees.

"Whew!" says the panther, "That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther.....

So, off he goes.

The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther.

The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"

Now, the old German Shepherd sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?"

But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says...

"Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!"

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*Moral of this story...*

1. Don't mess with old dogs

2. Age & skill will always overcome youth & treachery

3. Bullshit & brilliance only come with age & experience

Sunday, May 21, 2017

Senior Citizen's Intercourse?

An elderly man and woman, both in their 70's, walk into a sex therapist's office.

The doctor asks, "What can I do for you?'"

The man says, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"

The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice, that he agrees.

When the couple finishes, the doctor says,

"There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse."

He thanks them for coming, wishes them good luck, charges them $50, and says goodbye.

A week later the couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again.

The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.

This happens several weeks in a row.

The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave.

Image result for old couple laughing

Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says,

"I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?"

The old man says,

"We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $98. The Hilton charges $139. But in here, we do it for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare."

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Getting Too Smart Can Get You From Trouble

Wife was sure that her husband was having an affair and sex with the house maid so she laid a trap.

One evening she suddenly sent the maid home for weekend and didn't tell husband.

That night when they went to bed, the husband gave the same old story -

"Excuse me my dear, my stomach is aching" and went to the bathroom.

The wife promptly went into the maid's room, switched the lights off and slipped inside her bed.

The man came in silently, he didn't waste any time on words but quickly started sex..

When he finished, the wife said,

"You didn't expect me in this bed, do you..?"

And switched on the light...!

"No Madam", said their watchman..!!

MORAL: Sometimes getting too smart can get you fucked up

How To I Became Millionaire! - Very Inspiring

How To I Became Millionaire! - Very Inspiring

Long time ago there was man named Rody.

He had a donkey.

The donkey used to work and at the end of the day Rody would earn $3 enough to buy his two meals.

One day a holy man reached his gates when Rody reached home with three dollars of earning.

The holy man asked him for donations.

Rody replied "I just have $3 for my food and if I give you, what will I and my donkey eat? You are a spiritual man, give me an equation to become a millionaire then I may donate you something."

The holy man said "ok, then give me the three dollars you have earned."

Rody: "Why should I give you my entire days earning?"

Holy Man: "You want me to give you an equation to become a millionaire and you cannot pay even $3 for that?"

Shocked and surprised Rody gave him three dollars, his entire days earning.

Holy Man: "You asked me and paid me to tell you the equation to become a millionaire . Now I am bound to answer your request. But it will be your choice to follow it or not."

Holy Man: "Sell your donkey and whatever you get buy food and offer it to travelers passing your village for free, yes for free."

And the holy man left and almost vanished.

Next day Rody sold his loving donkey the only working fellow, his only earning member of the family for just 30 dollars and offered food to the travelers passing their village for free.

News spread like wild fire in the entire village and  Rody has gone MAD.

Almost at the end of the day with the last meal was left Rody decides to eat possibly the last he could have without his donkey.

Then, enters the last traveler praising Rody having heard of him from other travelers who passed by him that day.

Praising Rody and enjoying food, he asked since how long he is offering free food to travelers.?

Rody narrates him the entire story as its the first day and possibly the last day.

Pleased by the story, the traveler gave him 100 dollars with a commitment to continue this service for few more days .

Rody rushes to his village buys back his donkey and continued his service.

When ever he was penniless he sold his donkey and as someone donated, the first thing he did was buy back his donkey and somehow this continued for some year and Rody's praises spread to many other villages.

Then there was a millionaire businessman with his only daughter looking for an ideal husband. Praises of Rody reaches this businessmen and finally Rody gets married to his daughter continuing his services with travelers and business with his father in law.

Rody now a millionaire with his wife and father in law and his DONKEY.

Saturday, May 20, 2017

Why Shop Owners Don't Hire Psychologist In Their Store? - Interesting And Funny Story

One of the problems with today's economy is that it's very hard to find young people who are good salesmen.

Many students coming out of college are more interested in a customer's motivation than they are in closing a sale.

They also have a tendency to be too honest, which can play havoc in the retail business.

A friend of mine has a dress shop here in Georgetown, and she told me of the problems she had with a young lady, a psychology major, whom she had hired as a salesgirl.

This, in essence, is what happened:

The first day a lady came in the store, and the salesgirl (let us call her Miss Brampton) asked if she could be of help.

“I'd like a suit for the fall,” the lady said.

“What price range?” Miss Brampton asked.

“It doesn't make any difference,” the lady replied.

“Well, let me ask you this question: Do you want the suit because you need it? Or have you just had a fight with your husband and are trying to get even by making a very expensive purchase?”

“I beg your pardon?” the lady said.

“Perhaps you suspect he has a girlfriend, and you think this is the only way you can get back at him.”

“I have no idea what you're talking about,” the customer said.

“Spending money in anger is a very expensive form of hostility. My advice to you is to think it over for a few days. Try to patch up your differences. Buying a new suit won't save your marriage.”

“Thank you very much,” the customer said coldly and left the store.

“She's angry with me now,” Miss Brampton told the dress shop owner, “but in a week she'll be grateful I talked her out of it.”

My friend who was the shop owner decided to let the incident pass;

but that afternoon another customer came in, and Miss Brampton asked if she could be of help.

The lady said, “I need something really exciting. I'm going to the Kennedy Center, and I want a dress that will knock everyone dead.”

Miss Brampton said, “We have some lovely evening dresses over here for insecure people."

“Insecure people?”

“Oh, yes. Didn't you know that clothes are one of the main ways women compensate for insecurity?”

“I'm not insecure,” the lady said angrily.

“Then why do you want to knock them dead at the Kennedy Center? Why can't you be accepted for yourself instead of what you wear? You are a very attractive person, and you have an inner beauty you try to disguise. I can sell you a new dress that will attract attention, but then you would never know if it was you or the dress that made people stop and stare.”

By this time the dress shop owner decided to step in.

“Miss Brampton, if the lady wants an evening dress, let her see our evening dresses.”

“No,” the customer said.

“Your girl is right. Why spend five hundred dollars to get a few compliments from people who really don't care what I wear? Thank you for helping me, young lady. It's true I've been insecure all these years and didn't even know it.” The customer walked out of the store.

The last straw for the dress store owner took place an hour later when a college student came in to buy a miniskirt, and Miss Brampton gave her thirty minutes on women's lib and then said,

“All you do when you buy miniskirts is to become a sex object.”

That night the dress shop owner put a sign in the window:


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Filipino American Friendship - Funny Conversations

A Filipino congressman was invited by his American engineer friend in U.S.A.

The congressman was surprised by seeing his awesome home.

Out of curiosity he asked his friend: “How did you manage to have this beautiful home?”

American Engineer: “Can you see the newly constructed bridge outside the window?”

Filipino Congressman: “Yes.”

American Engineer: "(Winking his eyes) 10% of the budget came in my pocket."

After a few months later, the Filipino congressman invited his American friend to his home.

The American engineer found his home to be better than his own one.

He was also surprised.

Out of curiosity, he asked him: “Your house is more luxurious than mine, how come?”

Filipino Congressman: “Can you see the bridge outside the window?”

American Engineer: “No”.

(Filipino Congressman winked his eyes.)

The Clever Trainee

The story of a Trainee...

A man joins a big corporate empire as a trainee.

On his very first day of work, he dials the pantry and shouts into the phone "Get me a coffee, quickly!"

The voice from the other side responded,

"You fool you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to, dumbo?"

"No," replied the trainee.

"It's the CEO of the company, you fool!"

The trainee shouts back, "And do YOU know who YOU are talking to, you fool?!"

Image result for trainee phone calling

"No." replied the CEO indignantly.

"Good!" replied the trainee, and puts down the phone.