An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night.

Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is.

“I’m 90 years old,” he says.

“90!” replies the woman.

“Don’t you realize you’ve had it?”

“Oh, sorry,” says the old man.

“How much do I owe you?”

Burlarized Car

An elderly woman called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car had been broken in to.

She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher:

“They’ve stolen the stereo,   the steering wheel,   the brake pedal and even the accelerator!”   she cried.

The dispatcher said,   “Stay calm.   An officer is on the way.”

A few minutes later,   the officer radios in.

“Disregard.   She got in the back-seat by mistake.”