Into a belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy looking like he’d just been run over by a train.

His arm is in a sling,his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he is walking with a limp.

“What happend to you?”, asks Sean the bartender.

“Jamie O Conner and me had a fight”, says Paddy.

“That little sh*t, O Conner”, says Sean, “he couldnt do that to you, he must of had something in his hand.”

“That he did”, says Paddy, “a shovel is what he had, and a terrible licken he gave me with it.”

“Well”, says Sean, “you should have defended yourself, didn’t you have something in your hand?”

“That I did”, said Paddy…”Mrs. O Conner’s breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight.”